Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Spaghetti shatters

If you take a dry piece of spaghetti, hold it at both ends and bend it until it breaks, it usually breaks into multiple pieces, not just two.  And those little middle pieces go flying all over and maybe poke you in the face.  (Seriously, there is some Big Science about why this happens... research by cool people ).  Anyways, recently I've been feeling like my life is a bit like those little flying bits in the middle - not just one break but many breaks all at once.  Today during a down moment at work, I made a list of Big Things stressing me out.  Not stupid things, like laundry, but things that are really weighing on me right now.  It took up three post-its.  (And I write small).  But the good news is that I'm pretty sure that MIT prepared me for anything, so in true engineer fashion I prioritized and then began to brainstorm solutions.  The number one lesson that I took from my education that is helping me now: ask for help.  And don't stop asking until someone gives it to you.  So I'm still asking.  I feel like that is all I do around here.  Ask for help.  I feel so inept most of the time.  I can't even fill in a form or make a phone call without help.  But the asking was burying me in guilt and feelings of inadequacy.  Yesterday I wrote that I didn't know what would cheer me up here.  I needed new strategies.  But today, I had a mini-epiphany of sorts.  I thought to all the times I've smiled in the past two weeks.  Its my friends.  I need my friends.  I need to be around them, talking to them, laughing with them.  Taking the time in between all the asking and begging and pleading and worrying to spend time doing the things that make me smile, with the people who make me smile.  

Although I still miss hugs.  Seriously, what good is a tiny little kiss on the cheek when what you really want is a bear hug that lifts you off your feet?  A.W., I'm looking at you, man...  January??

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